God Still Loves Me.....Even If I'm a Horrible Blogger......

Two years.

It's been almost two years since my last post.  I had good intentions enough to write a novel.  An idea would arise, a passionate idea or thought, but the task of fleshing out ideas in words and type overwhelmed, and I just....didn't.

Two years, passed in a flash, in "the blink of an eye".  Two years consumed with homeschooling, seeking out the groove of the paleo/primal lifestyle that worked for us, and attempting to find a balance of commitment with the new found energy I had gained through the healing diet changes.  To transition from being afraid to commit to anything for fear of a migraine-induced cancellation to the novelty of having energy and migraine-free days with which to accomplish tasks and fulfill commitments has been a heady thing.  The temptation to make up for migraine-stolen years, to do now so much that wasn't possible before, must be tempered by the knowledge that if I attempt too much 'more', my still adrenal-fatigue-fragile body can yet be cast into a not-as-familiar-but-still-possible week of fatigue and migraines.

A week like the one I'm just coming out of, just breaking the surface of fatigue and headaches, easing back into the breaststroke of a functioning life. 

It was exhilarating,  this new found ability to accomplish so much through the holidays.  Amazing that the usual days of absolute exhaustion, sometimes half a week lost before energy returned, weren't knocking me flat as in years past.

Perhaps someday I'll learn to quit while ahead, to stop, to breathe, to rest before my body deflates.  Too much doing, not enough resting, and my body's response is: "We're done."  No choice given but to listen, to strip down to the bare minimum of commitments.  To rest and recover since our New Year's snowbird flight to Florida.

Slowly I'm learning that sometimes the pain comes so that we are quiet, whether we desire it or not. That the pain-induced stillness is God's way of reminding us to slow down, to focus, and to not try to do it all.  Because the honest truth is, I've been striving to do it all, too much, and so much of it with the wrong focus.  The primal lifestyle has been a God directed avenue of healing for me, one I'll forever be grateful for, but it was an overwhelming change at first.  My all-or-nothing self dove in head first, attempting to change everything at once.  By God's grace I found success, but at the expense of losing focus on the very One who led me to my healing, the only One in whom true Life is found.

This is our new 'normal' now, this cooking without grains, without processed foods, without junk.  Become simply the way I cook, the way I eat, as if the lens through which I view food has a new, healthier filter fitted on top.  I'm grateful for that.  There are other things now that need my attention, that deserve my attention, far more than what's going on our plates.

I feel God speaking to me more in these few short, first weeks of the new-born year than I have felt in a time far too long.  I'm learning to be thankful for the fatigue, for the pain when it comes from Him, for it is in the quiet, and very often in the pain, that we are best able to hear His voice.  God's voice is rarely a roar over the din, blinding us on the road to Damascus to all but His message.  It is instead a soft, small whisper waiting patiently for the moment we decide we have time to listen.

I have been un-quiet for too long now, perhaps for the last two years.  I've neglected my inbox from God the way I ignore my virtual inbox, forced to wade through a sea of junk in order to find the important.

This year, that will change.  I will allow God to lead me to a rhythm of life that is in tune with His will for me.  I will strike inharmonious notes, I will fall out of step, I will sing in a key too loud and too angry, but I when I do, I hope I will fall forward, fall back onto the music He is laying down for me, giving me just enough light to see the notes that come next.  I will try, as well, to be faithful to this blog.  Faithful not in hopes of popularity or page visits, but faithful out of the knowledge that it is often only in the reflection, in the looking back over what notes have already been played, that we see the melodious beauty of the symphony God has written, and is daily writing, for us.

Amplification and Gastronomy

The Bible, Amplified

So far I've managed to keep my Lenten resolutions to rise early and spend more time reading and praying. (I know, it's only been a few days in......but I'm actually getting UP in the mornings.  Let me have my moment.) 

Thanks to a recommendation from a dear friend, I've decided to read through the four gospels using the BibleGateway Reading Plan for Lent in the Amplified version.  I love the Amplified version of the Bible.  Information addict in all things, I love that it gives the multiple meanings/translations for certain words. 

Reading Proverbs 31 in the Amplified was an epiphany moment for me.  I always thought that was an unattainable goal, some kind of gold standard I couldn't possibly live up to.  Compare the NIV and Amplified version of Proverbs 31:16.

NIV: "She considers a field and buys it;
   out of her earnings she plants a vineyard."

Amplified: "She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard."

The amplified version helped me to see these verses truly apply as much, or more, to the our spiritual life as to actual, physical duties we should perform.  I still enjoy the King James and NIV for quicker reading or memorization, but the Amplified is just so useful for more in depth study and understanding of what the verses are really trying to convey.

Adventures in Gastronomy

Superman has been very happy with his home-cooked breakfasts.  I've enjoyed seeing his handsome face and having a few moments with him before he leaves for work. Being able to connect before our days begin has been wonderful, especially after his recent two-week business trip.

I thought I would share with you one of the fruits of my early mornings.  I used this recipe from Heavenly Homemakers to make Coconut Flour Banana Muffins (minus the nuts).  I decreased the honey called for a little, and added two droppers of liquid stevia.  They were amazing.  Moist, dense, sweet, entirely too tasty.  I think I ate three of them yesterday. 

 

I also made these Chocolate Chip Coconut Flour Muffins by ComfyBelly for Sparkly Princess and Mad Scientist.  They were quite a hit, even with reducing the maple sugar the same way I did the honey in the banana recipe.

I attempted an Avocado Brownies recipe last night, but it didn't turn out quite sweet enough. (Someone possibly, just possibly, forgot to add the in the stevia after reducing the honey......)  I personally love 85-90% dark chocolate, but that flavor is usually a little strong for the rest of my crew.  Surprisingly, Princess enjoyed them for breakfast this morning as is, but I'm brewing up a plan to use the rest in a type of 'bread pudding' so Superman and Scientist will enjoy them as well.  I'll share what I concoct.....if it's successful! ;-)

Why I'm Observing Lent

Wow.  It's been over a month since I posted.  I've had a million ideas to write about since then, but that 'chaotic life' part kept getting in the way.  Family in from out of town, new family members being born, a two-week business trip for Superman that nearly killed me.......I could go on, but I'll spare you the excuses. 

So what finally got me motivated enough to write?  Lent.  Or rather my decision to observe Lent for the first time in my life. 

I was raised primarily in evangelical denominations.  My father's family is Lutheran, and Superman's family is Presbyterian, but neither of us were raised observing Christian traditions such as Lent or Ash Wednesday.  I guess I always viewed them as stodgy old Catholic rituals that we weren't required to hold to. 

But here's the thing.  For a few months now, I've been thinking about those 'stodgy old rituals,' and how maybe there's a reason they've survived for nearly two millennium. 

You see, I love that I was raised viewing God not as some remote deity, but as a Father and a Friend that I could have a personal relationship with.  There have been so many trials in my life I wouldn't have survived without that relationship with my Savior.  Still, I think there's a downside to focusing on only the personal, best-friend aspect of our relationship with Christ.  I think we often lose sight of Him as the Sovereign, the Creator of the Universe, and I want to help my family regain that sense of awe, that sense of respect, and the realization that despite what we're told by our culture, the world most certainly does not revolve around us.  There is a disturbing tendency among many Christians to treat church and their relationship with Christ as a feed trough.  We go to church, expect the worship service to give us goosebumps and an emotional high, we listen to the message our pastors deliver, and that's it.  We lose sight of one of the most important and essential aspects of Christianity - the call to serve and bless others. Our faith wasn't designed to just make us 'feel' good and to help us get through the week.  It was intended to make us blessings to those around us, that they might see Christ's love through us, and thereby be drawn unto Him. 

I James 1:27 "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."

2 Corinthians 5:20 "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God."

Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

What would make us stand out in this world more than being loving, being joyful, patient, kind, generous, hard working, not returning evil for evil, having a spirit that is willing to be inconvenienced in order to help someone else?  All the things our culture has lost.  But how do we nurture that kind of spirit?  By focusing outside of ourselves.

This is where I've really come to believe the traditional Christian observances can play a role.  I think when they're viewed as a compliment to our faith, not the means to salvation, they impart a sense of tradition, of roots to Christians gone before, a sense that there is something to live for greater than ourselves, and most importantly a reminder of the respect we should have for our Savior.  Yes, He's our best friend, but He's so much more than that, and we're called to do so much more for Him than just show up at church on Sundays and Wednesdays.

 So I'm beginning with Lent.  What better tradition to help us take the focus off ourselves than one that requires sacrifice on our part in order to help us prepare and appreciate the ultimate sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross? 

I read a terrific post by Lindsay of Passionate Homemaking in which she gives a very impressive list of activities to help her family observe and celebrate Lent.  I hope to implement at least one a day to help Mad Scientist and Sparkly Princess really grasp the true significance of the Easter holiday, and to help them develop a desire to serve others. 

As for the traditional "I'm giving (....) up for Lent," I was stumped for a while.  Living the primal/paleo lifestyle, I've already given up just about every food that could be considered bad for you.  Grains, sugars, soda, dairy....all gone.  Giving up dietary items really isn't much of a sacrifice for me anymore. 

The one aspect of the primal lifestyle I have yet to fully implement is the physical.  I'm not a fan of working out.  I will do manual labor till the cows come home - working in the garden, cleaning my house, rearranging furniture - because this all has a purpose.  I see immediate results.  Exercise, not so much.  And getting up early?  Definitely not my forte.  So this is my sacrifice for Lent - my mornings and my time.  I'm going to do my best to rise with Superman and the sun.  I'll make him breakfast and help him get ready for work, then spend the rest of the time before morning-loving Mad Scientist wakes up in devotion and prayer.  And I'll try to work out at least five times per week.  All with the purpose of making myself more spiritually and physically fit to serve and bless others. 

And I'll post more often.  Really. :-)  I still owe everyone a full explanation of what exactly this whole primal/paleo thing is about.

Blessings and love,
Liz

Having a Princess is Hard Work

I love having one boy and one girl.  It's the best of both worlds, really.  We get to have a Momma's Boy and a Daddy's Girl.  But sometimes that Daddy's girl can be a lot of work for her Mommy. 


Sparkly Princess has hair much different than I did as a child.  Mine was stick straight and thick.  Luckily I had a Mommy who has her beauticians license, so it was always pulled up immaculately smooth.  Give yourself and instant face lift tight.  It took me until my early 20's, and many brushes thrown across the room, to give up trying to emulate her pony tail. 

It's a good thing I did, because I could never accomplish that on Princess' hair.  She got Daddy's hair.  Baby fine with lots of curl in the back, but more like loose wave in the front. 

To say it has been a challenge for me is an understatement.  I can pull her hair up in a ponytail, and five minutes later she looks like a disheveled street urchin once again.  Keeping those whisper fine curls in place is not easy.  She wants to try wearing it down?  Good luck.  Brush it and as soon as you blink, the tangles are back.  Yet with all her curl, the amount of product needed to keep her hair evenly curly is just way too much for a 7 year old to use every day. 

My sister and mother have been able to french braid for years.  I never managed to pick up that skill.  It was much more fun to have my hair braided than to learn how to do it myself.  They've both french braided Princess' hair for her in the past.  I love that it keeps her hair back from her beautiful face, and I especially love that it actually stays in place through pirouettes and wrestling matches with Daddy. 

So I've decided I finally need to learn how to french braid.  Like any good information junkie, I searched the web for the best tutorials I could find.  I came across some really amazing blogs about braiding little girls' hair, by mothers who can be considered nothing other than artists.  At one of these, we came across a tutorial on how to basket weave hair.  It looked way more complicated than french braiding.....and of course, Princess LOVED it.  She wanted me to do that to her hair.  She even voluntarily took a shower and washed her hair so it would be wet enough for me to weave it.  Such enthusiasm!  Mommy, however, was not so enthusiastic.  But I love my daughter.....I love my daughter......I love my daughter.......

Tiny elastics hunted down and sopping wet hair prepared, we went to the living room couch so that she could lie down somewhat princess-style to get her hair fixed.  (Princess-style is a phrase in our house that refers to having one's hair blow-dried by Mommy while lying down on a pillow, with your hair up over your head.  I have yet to convince Superman to do this for me......)  This time, it was leaning against the arm of the couch instead of on a pillow.  You can see what I mean in the tutorial.  Two failed attempts and an aching back later, this is what I managed to pull off:

Not exactly like the tutorial.  Elise's hair will never be that straight without a flat iron or chemical relaxers.  But she's happy.  Go upstairs, put on a tutu and ballet shoes, and twirl around happy.  I'd call that a success! :-D

For the tutorial I used, and a million other amazing hairstyles, check out The Story of a Princess and Her Hair

Pain Can Be a Powerful Motivator

Last night I slept through the night for the first time since...........I honestly don't remember the last time I slept through the night.  I am a notorious insomniac and light sleeper.  Good thing Superman could sleep soundly on a freight train.  On top of that, I'm usually woken up at least once or twice by some sort of pain.  It could be my allergies causing a sinus headache, the recurrent stomach pain that has managed to evade full explanation (despite some rather unpleasant diagnostic procedures I got to enjoy while we were in Manila.  Good times.), or my back or neck hurting from being propped up on enough pillows for the whole family to sleep on in an attempt to prevent the recurrent stomach pain.  I haven't slept flat in over two years.  I actually feel inverted when I try.

Lately, the stomach pain has been my night time visitor.  Two nights ago, I woke up about 5am with the 'knife' in my stomach hurting so sharply I just wanted to curl into a ball.  Prilosec, pepto, aloe vera juice.....none of my usual rescues were working.  It was miserable.  Probably second only to the migraines.  I'm pretty certain it was because I had indulged in some things I knew I shouldn't have - grains and I just do not get along. 

This time, however, the pain was useful.
 
I've been slowly trying to transition us to the primal lifestyle (I'm working on a post about what exactly that is, but for now you can visit this page if you're curious Primal Blueprint 101.)  We'd be there already except Mad Scientist is recovering from a tooth removal, and I didn't have time to fix a bunch of soft foods that were primal before hand.  Superman and I are the furthest along, but we'd both been sneaking in a few non-primal things here and there.  (I make a mean salsa, which is inextricably tied to tortilla chips in our minds, and those darn chocolate oreos hiding in the cupboard jumped out at me, right into my mouth...really....)  Yesterday, after the stomach pain, and the sleep-deprived headache that accompanied it, I was fed up. 

I had a little milk in a small amount of coffee to ward off caffeine withdrawal turning the headache into a migraine, and that was it.  All meat and veggies and fruits the rest of the day.  Every time I was tempted to grab something bad, I remembered the stomach pain, and I was able to deflect the oreos with not-quite-ninja-like ease.  I searched Earth Clinic for natural acid reflux/GERD remedies, many of which I had used previously in Manila.  Back to the oh-so-yummy DGL (a form of licorice) chewables, coconut oil dissolved in a cup of herbal tea, L-Glutamine and digestive enzyme tablets with each meal, and aloe vera juice before bed.  Still trying to get the apple cider vinegar down before each meal.  That's one big, tart step to climb.

I can't say that the stomach pain has miraculously disappeared, or the allergies, but I SLEPT!!  No 2, 3, 4, 5am trips to the medicine cabinet for decongestant or antacids.  This is huge for me. 

I am so NOT a morning person, but when I woke up, I actually had the energy to make my boys sausage and eggs for breakfast.  I loved watching the snow fall outside as Superman and Mad Scientist discussed the servers Superman would be working on today and other computer jargon that makes no sense to me over their warm breakfasts Mommy had made them.  (I really think Superman is going along with this primal thing because he foresees more breakfasts like this in his future, instead of a cold bowl of cereal!)

You couldn't pay me to wake up feeling like I did yesterday morning, but I'm grateful that now I have a specific motivator to call to mind when temptation or laziness strikes.  More than just the vague "I want to lose weight" or "I want to feel better," "I don't want to feel like the little creature from Aliens is trying to claw at my insides again" is quite the motivator.  Now to go try to suck down that apple cider vinegar.......

The Beginning

I've been thinking of starting a blog for over two years now. Up until today, the title was as far as I'd gotten. I kept thinking that I needed an angle, or a specific focus. Would it be a blog about homeschooling? Maybe our family life? Our spiritual journey as a family? Natural health? Gardening? Whatever topic of interest caught my fancy that day?

The problem is, I'm used to reading blogs by 'experts'. People who have their stuff figured out. Who have it together. I have an interest in many things, but I wouldn't consider myself an expert in any of them. My training as a biologist has left me with an almost compulsive need to research EVERYTHING. The list of information copied, pasted, and saved to my hard drive is so eclectic, it's almost embarrassing. How in the world could I ever find a single focus for a blog? And so I didn't.

Then I got to thinking about the title I'd chosen. Beautiful Chaotic. True to my research addiction claim, I looked up synonyms for the word "chaotic". These included disordered, disorganized, riotous, every which way, tumultuous, and my personal favorite, deranged. I realized that having one specific focus would be rather untrue to my title, and rather untrue to my life.

So this blog will contain all topics mentioned above, and whatever else strikes my fancy. It will be a chronicle of our homeschooling adventure; living a life of faith both as a family and as an individual; my search to find natural ways to deal with the migraines I've battled for 11 years now; our beginning attempts as a family to be healthy and fit; my desire to have a green thumb in a small yard; my near addiction to Sephora and all things make up; my sons ridiculous Lego building skills; my daughters love of all things girly and pretty; my husbands mad classical guitar skills; life with a 150 lb mastiff and a crotchety old mutt; or pretty much any of a number of things that make up the varied and amusing interests of my family. Hopefully sharing will allow me a means of accountability and focus, and perhaps amusement for those reading!